guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your dad touched me again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
