I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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