I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
