It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
