I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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