I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
