Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
