Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
