At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
