well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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