That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
