i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
