It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
