Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
