so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
