That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
