This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
