if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
