Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
