spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
