Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
