I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
