that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will be naked everywhere
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
