in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
