you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
