I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
