I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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