you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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