I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
