i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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