I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
