I wish life had little blips of pornography
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
