unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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