Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are two peas in an std pod
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
