You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
