ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
