U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
