Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles

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(972): View more from Texas

The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement

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(516): View more from New York

and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me

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(443): View more from Maryland

Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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