i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
