Me too!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Small penises have feelings too.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
