last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
