I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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