my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
