i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
