guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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