i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Pooping to opera.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
