Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
