I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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