a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
