So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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